In the spirit of Civil War Jokes I was wondering how far this would lead us. One of my favorite lines from a movie comes from Monty Python's The Holy Grail - something like
"Help!!! Help!!! I'm being repressed. Come see the violence inherited in the system!!!!"
Anybody else got one??





why not start with Gettysburg
From every heart felt, dramatic speach and every tear drop moment and line in Gettysburg, I think my favorite quote(s) belong to Sgt. Kilrain.
Colonel, darlin', could you do us all a favor and get on the damn horse?
Only an arm, I tell ya I can do without that rather then the other necessities of life
I'm Kilrain, and I damn all gentlemen.
and of course the line heard all the way down the lines at every re-enactment I have been to,
"Some of them, they load and load, they never fire. They just keep right on loading. Some of them come home with seven, eight bullets rammed up in the barrel, never fired a shot. "
I know it is cliche, but anyone who refers to himself in the third person, awesome
Matt is finnished...
ps. "OK, we will call it a draw" is a good MPHG quote too....
Full Metal Jacket
R. Lee Ermey with such one liners as: "You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece." or "Did your parents have any children that lived?"
OR
"You'll find no racial bigotry here, I do not look down upon...here, you are all equally worthless."
"...and then you'll be dead Marines and THEN you'll be in a world of hurt because Marines are not allowed to die without permission!"
I could go on and on, but will stop here...
Oh my, where do I stop!
One of my favorit movies for great lines is from the movie "The Eagle Has Landed" (released 1976)
"A wink at a pretty girl at a party rarely results in a climax, Carl. But a man would be a fool not to push the suggestion as far as it goes." - Oberst Max Radl
"Difficult decisions are the priveledge of rank." - Oberst Kurt Steiner
"This will make the charge of the Light Brigade look like a sensible military excersize." - Admiral Canaris
"The only time this plan makes sense to me is when I'm drunk." - Liam Devlin
"The time has come, Mr. Devlin, when I no longer control events, they control me." - Oberst Kurt Stiener
Then of course there is the movie "The Bridge on the River Kwai" (released 1957)
"Do not speak to me of rules. This is war! This is not a game of cricket!" - Colonel Saito
"You give me powders, pills, baths, injections, enemas; when all I need is love." - Major Shears
"Be happy in your work." - Colonel Saito
"As I've told you before, in a job like yours, even when it's finished, there's always one more thing to do." - Colonel Green
Of course I could go on and on and on. There is Casablanca of course and I could get back to the Civil War with such legendary sources of good one-liners as The Outlaw Josey Wales, The Horse Soldiers, Major Dundee, and Glory.
But I will stop with my favorites above and let others post. Great topic Mark!
--
Michael Johnson
So many choices...
"It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a packet of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it."-Elwood Blues in The Blues Brothers.
"Look darling the baby has your father's eye's."
"Well take them away before he swllows them!"-Morticia & Gomez in The Addams Family.
"I'm the guy who keeps Mr. Death in his pocket."-Mad Max in Beyond Thunderdome.
And lastly,
"Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so."
"Oh that's very good. You should send that in to Reader's Digest, they have a page for people like you."-Ford Prefect & Arthur Dent in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
Keep taking your blue mass (and a little popcorn with extra butter)
Asst. Surg. SD Scroggins
ok..
"and men in tall hats and gold watch fobs will thump their chests and tell what a brave charge it was......." Sam elliot as Gen Buford.
"did you come down here to watch my adams apple bob about?..."
Marlon Brando as fletcher christian in the bounty.
"Remember, no matter where you go, there you are..."
From "buckaroo Banzi, across the eighth dimension"
"Dont ya worry capt'n, I know this ship like the back o' ma hand" scotty just before he walks into a support pylon on the NCC 1701-A in "the final Frontier...ST6"
"Nobody tosses a dwarf!"
Followed by
"toss me, but dont let the elf know...."
"Dammit peggy! you almost made me spit out my beer!" king of the hill halloween episode.
"Minh! hillbilly cousins getting married! you owe me twenty bucks!"
King of the hill
"theres a war on how is it you are going to kentucky?!"
" well we face to the north, and real subtle like turn left......"
Last of the mohicans.....
and the last of the quotes for now.....
Seamus
"it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifing......nothing"
MacBeth
My Turn
"Never Apologize, It's a sign of weakness" - Cpt. Nathan Brittles, The Horse Soldiers.
"I've gone to pick a fight" Wm. Wallace - Braveheart
"you going to draw those pistols, or whistle Dixie?" Outlaw Josie Wales.
Pvt. Steve Henry
Co. A, 3rd Maine Volunteer Infantry
"Bath City Greys
John Wayne correction for Steve
For shame Mr. Henry. For shame!
Any "true" John Wayne fan will know that the quote, "Never apologize. It's a sign of weakness." is certainly the character Captain Nathan Brittles but the movie is "She Wore a Yellow Ribbon".
For a good quote from The Horse Soldiers, and quite appropriate in this moment, I would have to suggest:
"Ding dong. Ding dong." Maj. Henry Kendall
Another great John Wayne quote:
"There'll be no locks or bolts between us, Mary Kate, except those in your own mercenary little heart!" Sean Thorton in The Quiet Man.
All in fun Steve! :) Great movie!
--
Michael Johnson
Ahh my favorite...
But you can't beat
"Woman. Ireland might be a poor country, God help her. But here a married man sleeps in a BED not a BAG and I'll tell you another thing..." The Father to Mary Kate on her marital troubles.
or...
"C'mon. Marquis of Queensbury." Sean Thornton to his brother-in-law Red Will Danaher
John Ford's classic The Quiet Man
~Miss Patti
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind~Dr. Seuss
Here are Mine
"Ray, when someone asks if you're a God, you say 'Yes'"!
--Ghostbusters
"I am not bad, I'm just drawn that way"
--Who Framed Roger Rabbit
"I've come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass...and I'm all out of bubble gum"
--They Live
"A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti...fptptptptptpptptpt!"
--Silence of the Lambs
"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father: prepare to die".
--Princess Bride
"Have fun stormin' da castle."
--Princess Bride
"I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."
--Monty python and the Holy Grail
Major Eric R. Reeder
CSO, 1st Division ANV, Staff
Liberty Hill Signals
2nd Lt Eric R. Reeder United States Army Corps of Topographic Engineers "Hawks and Eagles fly like Doves"
Head bloodied But Unbowed
May I be bound to the 5th wheel and beaten to bloody rags for my Faux Pas. Tis indeed She Wore A Yellow Ribbon. Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, Mea Maxima Culpa
Pvt. Steve Henry
Co. A, 3rd Maine Volunteer Infantry
"Bath City Greys
Last Movie Lines
I must admit the quotes were great!! I'll close with another favorite movie quote. Cpl Bray will understand.
"People will come Ray...The one constant through all the years has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the times. This field, this game...it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds us of all that was once good and it could be again. People will come Ray. People will most definitly come" - Terrance Mann to Ray Kinsela "Field of Dreams"
Mark A. Rohman
Augusta, ME 04330
Field of dreams...
Ray: What do you want?
Terrance: I want to be left alone, I want to not be asked the anwser of life, I want some peace and happiness and I want to live my life out of the spotlight....
Ray: No I mean what do you want (Points to concession stand at Fenway Park)
Terrance: Oh, Beer and a dog....
oh dont we all...
Love the comments!!
Matt and Mike, I got a kick
Matt and Mike, I got a kick out of both your decisions. I had a friend at UMF and we would quote those lines from Gettysburg allll day and just think it was the funniest thing. We would especily quote Buford. Susie sounded just like him. Scary.
All but here are my favorite quotes, and for sure you will hear me imitate Carol from Sling Blade at the next encampment.
"I like those french fried taters."-Sling Blade.
"The Bible says two men ought not lay together but I reckon the good Lord wouldn't send nobody like you to Haties."- Sling Blade.
"Daddy, I want a oompa-loompa."-Willie Wonka and the chockolate factory
"We don't need the map."-Blair Witch Project.
"In life you either move or you die."-Hope
"safest spot on the battlefield, right smack in the middle."-Gettysburg
"I love you." "I know."-Star Wars
"Look out it's a fiendish thingy!" "I've got a plan, a very famous plan." -Help!
Here are my clique ones.
"Duty is ours, the consequences are Gods."-Gods and Generals (well, pretty much every one of Jackson's lines)
"Its not up to me to forgive them. That's between them and God. I'll arrange the meeting."-Man on Fire
"It is not our abilities that show us who we really are. It is our choices. It does not due to dwell on dreams and forget to live." The Harry Potter movies.
More.......?
"heres a stick, to beat the lovley lady..." the quiet man
My wife(From Ga.) hates this one from gettysburg..
Tom: "....why you fighting this war?"
reb pow: "we're fighting for our rats"
Tom: "your what?"
"when the white hair knows his seed has been wiped from this earth I will eat his heart" Magua
"you should be concerned with your own scalp and not telling others what they should be doing with theirs...." hawkeye
"you call yourself a patriot and loyal subject to the crown?!
" I call myself subject to not much at all"
"Never challenge a sicillian where death is involved.hahahahahahah.THUD"
" you were so poor you couldnt afford brandy, and you! hapless, friendless, brainless.....do you want to go back where I found you? unemployed? in GREENLAND!
Seamus
"it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifing......nothing"
MacBeth
Black Hawk Down
OK, I am in with a few for now;
Black Hawk Down:
* It's what you do right now that makes a difference.
* You shouldn't have come here. This is a civil war. This is our war, not yours.
Pvt/Lt Craig Young
3rd Maine, company A
"I ain't as good as I once was. But I'm as good once as I ever was. I used to be Hell on wheels Back when I was younger man. Now my body says 'You can't do this boy' But my pride says 'Oh, yes you can."
movie
The white man they number more than the stars in the sky they will come. Dance with Wolves Totonka Owache
Still More...
"Just like a wop to bring a knife to a gun fight" Sean Connory The Untouchables
"I'll see you on the beach..." Cpt. Miller" Saving Private Ryan
" I'll abide no man to lay a hand on me" J.B. Books The Shootist
Pvt. Steve Henry
Co. A, 3rd Maine Volunteer Infantry
"Bath City Greys
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
O Brother, Where Art Thou? A good movie with a lot of quotable lines. Here are a few that I enjoy:
Delmar O'Donnell: Oh George, not the livestock!
Ulysses Everett McGill: Damn! We're in a tight spot!
Pete: Wait a minute. Who elected you leader of this outfit?
Ulysses Everett McGill: Well Pete, I figured it should be the one with the capacity for abstract thought. But if that ain't the consensus view, then hell, let's put it to a vote.
Pete: Suits me. I'm voting for yours truly.
Ulysses Everett McGill: Well I'm voting for yours truly too.
[Everett and Pete look at Delmar for the deciding vote.]
Delmar O'Donnell: Okay... I'm with you fellas.
Ulysses Everett McGill: Only a fool looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart.
Ulysses Everett McGill: Well isn't this place a geographic oddity. Two weeks from everywhere.
Delmar O'Donnell: You work for the railroad, Grampa?
Blind Seer: I work for no man.
Delmar O'Donnell: Got a name, do you?
Blind Seer: I have no name.
Ulysses Everett McGill: Well, that right there may be the reason you've had difficulty findin' gainful employment...
Blind Seer: You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains. You will find a fortune, though it will not be the one you seek. But first... first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril. Mm-hmm. You shall see thangs, wonderful to tell. You shall see a... a cow... on the roof of a cotton house, ha. And, oh, so many startlements. I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the obstacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward. Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation.
Homer Stokes: The color guard is colored!
Pvt/Lt Craig Young
3rd Maine, company A
"I ain't as good as I once was. But I'm as good once as I ever was. I used to be Hell on wheels Back when I was younger man. Now my body says 'You can't do this boy' But my pride says 'Oh, yes you can."
Oh,Patricia
You kill her, I'll watch- Jake Busey in The Frighteners
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind~Dr. Seuss
ok thats scary
Just that one line? ok you are scaring me now......
and seamus doesnt scare easy...
Seamus
"it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifing......nothing"
MacBeth
OK, my turn
I haven't had much to say lately, but can't resist adding to this list...
"You want me to think that you don't want me to go down there, but the subtle truth is that you really DON'T want me to go down there..."
-General Custer to Jack Crabb in Little Big Man
"You call yourself a King? Because you sit your ass on Purple Cushions??"
-King Henry to Philip in The Lion in Winter
"Everybody up! When the King is off his ass, NOBODY sleeps!"
-King Henry in The Lion in Winter
"That was the end of my religion period"
-Jack Crabb in Little Big Man
"There are three kinds of sun that come from Kansas: Sunshine, Sunflowers, and Sons of Bitches"
-Josey Wales (Being from Missouri, I'm kind of particular to that one)
from Glory
My favorite comes from Glory:
Trip ran away (from slavery) when he was 12 years old.
"What you been doin' since then?"
"I been runnin for president." (They all look up.)
"I ain't win, though."
Quotes from Patton (1970)
One of my favorite movies:
Memorable Quotes from Patton (1970)
Patton: Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country.
Patton: The Carthaginians defending the city were attacked by three Roman legions. The Carthaginians were proud and brave but they couldn't hold. They were massacred. Arab women stripped them of their tunics and their swords and lances. The soldiers lay naked in the sun. Two thousand years ago. I was here.
Patton: Rommel, you magnificent bastard. I read your book.
Patton: Now there's another thing I want you to remember. I don't want to get any messages saying that we are holding our position. We're not holding anything. Let the Hun do that. We are advancing constantly and we're not interested in holding onto anything except the enemy. We're going to hold onto him by the nose and we're going to kick him in the ass. We're going to kick the hell out of him all the time and we're going to go through him like crap through a goose.
Patton: Thirty years from now, when you're sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee and he asks you, "What did you do in the great World War II," you won't have to say, "Well... I shoveled shit in Louisiana."
Patton: Men, all this stuff you've heard about America not wanting to fight - wanting to stay out of the war, is a lot of horse dung. Americans traditionally love to fight. All real Americans love the sting of battle. When you were kids, you all admired the champion marble shooter, the fastest runner, big league ball players, the toughest boxers. Americans love a winner and will not tolerate a loser. Americans play to win all the time. I wouldn't give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. That's why Americans have never lost and never will lose a war, because the very thought of losing is hateful to Americans.
Patton: Now, an army is a team - it lives, eats, sleeps, fights as a team. This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap.
Patton: The Nazis are the enemy. Wade into them. Spill *their* blood. Shoot *them* in the belly.
Patton: We're gonna keep fighting. Is that CLEAR? We're gonna attack all night we're gonna attack the next morning. If we're not VICTORIOUS. Let no man come back alive.
Lt. Col. Charles R. Codman: You know General, sometimes the men don't know when you're acting.
Patton: It's not important for them to know. It's only important for me to know.
Clergyman: I was interested to see a Bible by your bed. You actually find time to read it?
Patton: I sure do. Every goddamn day.
Patton: For over a thousand years, Roman conquerors returning from the wars enjoyed the honor of a triumph - a tumultuous parade. In the procession came trumpeters and musicians and strange animals from the conquered territories, together with carts laden with treasure and captured armaments. The conqueror rode in a triumphal chariot, the dazed prisoners walking in chains before him. Sometimes his children, robed in white, stood with him in the chariot, or rode the trace horses. A slave stood behind the conqueror, holding a golden crown, and whispering in his ear a warning: that all glory is fleeting.
Patton: Were not just going to shoot the bastards, were going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the treads on our tanks.
STranslator: The general would like to know if you will drink a toast with him.
Patton: Thank the general and tell him I have no desire to drink with him or any other Russian son of a bitch.
Translator: [Nervous] I can't tell him that!
Patton: Tell him, every word.
Translator: [In Russian] He says he will not drink with you or any Russian son of a bitch.
Russian general: [In Russian] Tell him he is a son of a bitch, too. Now!
Translator: [Very nervous] He says he thinks you are a son of a bitch, too.
Patton: [Laughing] All right. All right, tell him I'll drink to that; one son of a bitch to another.
Patton: Fixed fortifications are monuments to the stupidity of man. If anything made by God can be overcome, anything made by man can be overcome.
Pvt/Lt Craig Young
3rd Maine, company A
"I ain't as good as I once was. But I'm as good once as I ever was. I used to be Hell on wheels Back when I was younger man. Now my body says 'You can't do this boy' But my pride says 'Oh, yes you can."